just when i was contemplating if i shd make my deserted blog known..
i realised there were actually work-related posts
or maybe more work-related posts in time to come
better not risk it. right?

anyway the purpose of this post
i have a habit of collecting ticket stubs (and throwing them all over my table)
and just only, i sorted them, and i think i still have the most of the stubs of the movies since Alvin and the Chipmunks
gosh..some of the shows, i couldnt even rmb i've watched them
and of cos, let alone the storylines. haha
and be glad, i wrote down at the back of the stubs, with whom i've watched the shows.
but not like it matters anyway. haha

starting from the most recent
1. 20/02/11: alls well ends well
2. 31/01/11: i love hong kong
3. 20/08/10: inception
4. 20/08/10: step up 3
5. 24/07/10: the sorcerers apprentice
6. 14/03/10: alice in wonderland 3D
7. 15/02/10: 72 tenants of prosperity
8. 29/08/09: final destination
9. 24/12/09: sherlock holmes
10. 22/06/09: ghosts of girlfriends' past
11. 26/12/08: bedtime stories
12. 22/12/08: yes man
13. 20/12/08: igor
14. 01/12/08: wild child
15. 04/10/08: connected
16. 27/08/08: wall-e
17. 04/08/08: the mummy 3
18. 20/07/08: the dark knight
19. 07/07/08: hancock
20. 29/06/08: get smart
21. 03/05/08: the forbidden kingdom
22. 29/12/07: i am legend
23. 26/12/07: alvin and the chipmunks

i'm sure i've watched more than 22 shows (garfield, finding nemo, whale rider, around the world in 80 days, wesley..etc) in my whole life. just that those stubs..dunno go where liao. hahaha.

but of cos..even if i give myself the benefit of doubt that i've got 20 more shows unaccounted for, i bet..42 shows in 22 yrs..thats considered quite little huh?! haha

i'm just so darn pissed off
and now i realise that i'm sheer dumb
kindness doesn't always beget kindness
some pple just take you for granted

come on, i'm doing u all a favor
be it wat flavor
dun take things for granted
dun take me for granted

its outta goodwill i'm doing all these
i dun run a delivery svc
i dun get paid commission for wat i'm doing

i wished to share my joy and happiness
but its no longer sharing
if you share that of the others with the whole of ur world
depriving others of wat they could have gotten
had it not been ur selfishness

words can't be taken back
just like time can't be reversed
thats what lessons are for
for us to learn

Canon EOS 550D Kit II

25jan2011 - the day i bought the 2nd most expensive gadget in my life so far..an item that i've never dreamed of owning..
dun ask me why the sudden interest..cos i dunno too.
perhaps its the upcoming japan trip, perhaps i'm just sick of unsharp images with ugly colors
anyways, after much market surveys..introducing my new toy..<<Canon EOS 550D DSLR>>
the kit II with 18-135mm lens is $1499; the UV filter is $40 and the spare batt is $28.
and yes, of cos i'm happy..its really been a long time since i felt so happy owning an item :)
i know this is prolly just the beginning..dslr is not an easy thing to master..so many things to it..ISO, aperture, shutter speed, blah blah blah
unless my interest dies down which will be so saddening to hear..i shd be able to know more abt these stuff one day. i hope... hahahah

18 days past the new year countdown. and here i'm wishing all a happy new year.
afterall, its been just 18 days..thats like only 5% past a year.

lots of happening stuff since i last blogged.

28dec-OP ended. that marked the end of fyp and my ntu journey. "very good" was wat prof lee said. it was doubtful of cos. but still, what more could i do?

31dec new year's eve-we had a nice, cosy, warm lil' meal. a gathering of all of us, with pizza hut delivery and sushi platter, and not forgetting mama's big bowl of ytf soup. the feeling was just like cny.

03jan-i put my signature onto the dsta's letter of acceptance.

10jan-work officially started. no longer a student, i'm an engineer of air systems, guided weapons and armaments, residing in lvl14fw of dtta, and also the only female species in gwa-pc4.

11jan-after 1 day of laptop-less and pass-less, i finally own my cr and got my pass back. no more T-pass. i too got my freedom to walk around, in and out.

14jan-4 days into my job, i went to tengah air base. my first trip out of office!! and we had lunch at ntu canA. i was told, these chances would come by quite often. LOL

18jan-the last time logging into SSO to check my results. and i'm glad that the results looked good! :)

officially xmas eve. merry xmas.

this bday i was happy. perhaps cos it wasnt boring. perhaps cos it wasnt unhappy. perhaps cos it was just a lil different.
got a new pair of running shoes and a treat at the airport hk cafe from mum and sis, got a new longchamp bag from sis and kurt. thanks so much.

today. i meant ytd. i was nervous, stressed..so much so that my hands were shaking..over 2 matters.

i didnt know or maybe i always knew but i forgot..that driving can be very very stressful. and dangerous. esp at nite. that long and loud honk from the car..woke me up from the daze or dream or trance or wateva u call it, that i was in. there and then, i truly understood how and why honks could prevent accidents. i felt so much like saying that..sometimes honks too, can be the root to accidents.
anyway. it was so very loud and clear, so scary and so vivid. even til now..some many hrs ltr.

the trip to EPG was just equally bad. for the first time, i felt real bad at raising my voice at someone who is as bad as a cheaterbug, a conman. and yet the words were neither harsh nor rude. i rmb i said thank you before i hung up the phone. i guess the person prolly felt the heavy blocks of facts crashing onto him. but i could sense he was fed up, pissed off too..but who in his shoes wouldnt feel the same way?

serious. i always thot that scolding someone could or might be fun and cool. just now, i realised it could make one so guilt-stricken too. in that matter, i certainly wasnt in the wrong. the other party was. i asked if i was being unreasonable. the reply i got was that the guy deserved it. but still..that wasn't consoling enough. maybe i'm afraid..but i'm not sure exactly wat i'm afraid of. i've related facts and truths to all parties of concern. think there's nth i shd be afraid of. right?

this blog

i dunno who reads it still
cos apparently the tagboard has been stagnant since donkey yrs ago
but who cares whther anyone reads it or not
its like a diary
pple are not supposed to barge into that world of words and emotions
and if they happen to know
they shd hold their breath and tip-toe their way out
cos they just knew sth they knew they shdnt know
correct?

sometimes its not about whether you should.
its about whether you can.

if you can't, then jolly well stop thinking about whether it should or should not be.
right?

a dream that may or may not come true

as the title says.

she's the 3rd person doing sth that I wished so much to do. and i was surprised. but maybe not, judging from the fotos.

well, its not God..but its that our fate has been predestined. the paths that we will take. our achievements, etc. somehow.

its regret. its abt the money, its abt maybe the prestige. then again, turn around and look back..wat abt the money, wat abt the so-called prestige. they're really not impt and not difficult once i clear the 4-yr long hurdle right.

that choice some 3yrs ago did change my life. my entire life. from the course i'd take, to the exchange, to the time i'd graduate, to the grades i might get, to the frens i'll have. thats why i call it fate. it must be fate, else where on Earth do you find a decision that impacts ur life for 2yrs off a decade?

as i always think thats wat i want to be. as i envy pple arnd me doing wat i want to do. maybe at the end of the day, that path is just not destined for me? i think i can try to change fate. but i'll probably suffer.

oh then maybe i'm just fated to wait for my dream to come true.
and if its really fate, as the title says..

this may sound cliche. but still i must say.

back then when we were young, we yearned to grow up. we wanted to do things that the adults can do, we want the freedom that we were deprived of.
we wanted to make phone calls as and when we wanted to w/o asking for permissions.
we wanted to eat junks whenever we feel like it.
we wanted to wake up late..perhaps say 10am?
we wanted to watch tv like nobody's biz.
we raced to the 2 pathetic terminals just to play touch-typing.
and the list goes on and on.
most imptly, we hoped to get out of school and start working.

it feels like as we grow older, there are more things that we dread, groan, moan, sigh about.
its not just about school. we still hate school. but perhaps we hate work too.
we miss the days when we only have to do homework that'll never last more than 1/4 of a day.
we miss the days when we took afternoon naps.

whats tv when there's facebook, tudou and youtube? we don't even feel as much like before, to turn it on immediately after we reach home.
we can make a thousand phone calls. on 18th of each month, we see a thousand bucks bill too.

knowledge is no longer bound by the 1-inch textbook. the www is an ultra-thin disguise for an infinitely thick encyclopedia. that makes us feel that what we know is almost equivalent to the size of an atom.
waking up late doesn't mean that our days hence become shorter. the number of hours that we have to crack our brain is a constant. not a variable.

responsibility becomes like a million-tonne burden. its damn heavy on the shoulders. we're responsible for whatever we do and say.
slack today, work double tmr.
eat junk today, exercise harder tmr or we'll notice that our weight seems to be proportional to the amt of unhealthy food we eat.
today you spend more, tmr u spend less.

who's to remind us to stop procrastinating, hurry and get work done?
who's to remind us to stop eating else we'll get into TAF club, and have to eat only an apple for lunch?
who's to give us the same amt of daily pocket money, regardless of how much we spend each day?

gone are those days.

i can't stand this, i can't stand that
there are so many things that i can't stand
probably pple cant stand me either
but i dun care.

i can't stand pple who behave like weaklings, being so reliant on others
i can't stand pple who behave like they've got a million secrets kept from you..yet when u ask them, they refuse to admit
i can't stand pple who knew that u dislike them, yet they still try so hard to talk to you

can't we just live for ourselves, be more open (wats there to hide??) and be more aware of our surroundings? fed up.

an act of selfishness or kindness?

this aftn while i was on the train, heading towards school, this group (about 6 of them) of middle-aged aunties maybe in their sixties boarded the train at outram park. since i boarded the train at tampines, naturally i got a seat.

by the time the train pulled up to outram, it was rather packed and getting a seat was not possible. 1 or 2 of the commuters actually gave up their seats to these aunties. and they very naturally sat down, without any word of thanks.

the rest of the aunties who had yet to get a seat, started to look around, scanning for seats HUNGRILY. and they saw me, seated. one stared at me for some seconds..pointed to the other fellow aunties at the seat that i was sitting at. they looked at me, and then continued to scout for seats, returning their glares at me occasionally.

i refused to give up my seat. not cos i was selfish, but cos they were selfish. i was carrying my laptop, my cables and many other stuff. everything was so bulky and heavy. how do they expect me to give up my seat for them? on 2nd thot, i probably needed the seat more than them, cos they were almost free-handed and could always grab hold to any of the railings. on a side thot, would they be willing to carry my stuff for me if i gave up my seat to them? ridiculous. i thot they could have just diverted their glares to the many other able-bodied people who were sitting and who didn't even bother to pretend to be sleeping.

and i must comment on the ugly behaviors of this group of aunties. i mean haven't they heard of crimes such as daylight robberies? since they are so weak that they need a seat whenever they are not doing anything, what makes them think that they would be strong enough to fight with the robbers, who wanna rob their gold chains, bracelets and jade rings and all those xmas-like accessories? or do they think that their thick make-up might possibly psycho those robbers to believe that they are not their usual easy targets?

and need they attract the attentions of all the commuters in the carriage by talking so loudly? are they trying to rid every single seated commuter so that they can have all the seats they want? haven't they even got the slightest bit of shame, instead of having to run and snatch the seats (but to no avail) whenever someone gets up and alight like a game of musical chair? and if that's the case, they are definitely sore losers, cos rather obviously, they were dissatisfied and unhappy when they failed to get the seats.

unless i borrowed the seat from them, i owe them no seat. and they as the elderly, should not take the campaign for granted. no doubt we are all encouraged to give up our seats. but its neither a rule nor a law. and to put it in a more selfish manner, i'm not obliged to give up my seat, especially if there's no blue sticker behind me. right?

i would very gladly give up my seat to someone who needs it more than me, only if i can cos i think its stupid and senseless and retard for me to give up my seat, to prevent pple from falling when, i fall cos i have had no hands to grab hold of anything the very moment i stand up.

i've given up my seat before. many times. and i'm appreciative of those who appreciated my act of kindness.

FYP :(

fieldscopes, terrestrial scopes, electro-optic camera, star tracker, lens....
BLAH BLAH BLAH.

all these names and all their specs..they are driving me nuts!! i regret being so lazy. slacked so much, only to realise that...I DUN HAVE MUCH TIME TO PLAY AROUND ANYMORE!!! ouch. now i feel the stress.

if only i felt it earlier :(

anyway i just deleted 1 post. cos i cant even recall wat that post was for. haha. STM.

Change is inevitable - except from a vending machine

A mere 1 month is not sufficient to conclude any changes in a person. Sometimes u can't even understand someone whom u have known for years, let alone a month.

Alas, if changes cant be prevented..if changes cant be changed..instead of pointing fingers and blaming people for changing, shdn't we just adapt to them?

Unimpressive

If that qn meant to be a diagnostic test, i hereby declare that he has definitely failed the test. and so far..he's the only failure. Lousy.

unsure. uncertain. i realise feelings are too abstract to be trusted. unlike maths and science which can be easily be proven, feelings can easily be proven wrong.
i dun wanna make the same mistakes as before. yet i do not want to miss any opportunity. but shd i trust my feelings that are telling me that this is an opportunity in the first place? what if and what if i dun?
thats why i say. unsure. uncertain.

I'm a very direct person. Therefore my comments are straight to the point. I hint and imply to pple..so much so that what i'm trying to convey is obvious, but i dun hide any truth in any case. And therefore I disagree with pple who conceal factual stuff.

As we grow up, the picture of reality gets clearer. A what-used-to-be-perfect combi of young and innocent is totally bullshit. this world is full of scheming and hideous pple. some are apparent while some, it takes time to realise. some backstab, some frontstab while some spike ur drinking water with lethal poison. and the poison-er? you dun wanna know who did it. its disgusting to know.

That makes me ponder. so how much do i actually know abt the pple arnd me? maybe just a few close ones. how much do u know abt them? the fact that i dun even know much abt myself justifies the no-ans answer to the qns. And just when i thot there's no such thing as true fren, a true fren of mine msn-ed me. momentarily i discarded my thot and concluded that i might just be over-paranoid. but after some time, certain "event" stirred up that same feeling again. and this time, i've been proven right that maybe, very few pple have the makings of a true fren.

Happening happening.

IO is coming to an end. So is World Cup 2010. The 1st time in my life getting so involved in WC. I felt so proud of myself..understanding and analyzing the formations and tactics of those teams, watching the matches in those wee hours of the nights, discussing those matches with my colls, predicting correctly some of the winning teams and so randomly, supporting my convictions monetarily. Perhaps it was solely due to the company. LOL

Every 4-years is different. Just like WC2010 being different from WC2006. Then, I rmb watching the head-butt of Zidance at some 5am and going to school in the afternoon, where the hottest topic of the day was nth but the match and its blunders. I'm sure WC2014 would be a different ballgame too.

Everyone is graduating. Okay good. Congrats. But i dun feel the significance abt it. Convo is just a ceremony. That gown is just a non-living thing that one puts on to take fotos. It actually has not much meaning. Learning doesn't stop upon graduation. Life doesnt change MUCH upon graduation. Your peers become ur colls. The Earth still turns. It just means that u're gonna face the harshness and competition of the working society. And u may or may not be ready for it.
Back 20 yrs ago, perhaps it would really make a HUGEEEE diff. But today, come on, in any big org..i'm sure there're more than 75% of the staff who have worn that gown before. So then, a big deal?

When its my turn, I would have been working for 6mths. I probably would be taking a day off from work to attend that ceremony and the next day i'll be back to work, like nth fantastic has happened the day before. None of my colls would be happie for me or to celebrate for me. They might throw more work to me cos of that recently-received cert. Or maybe they would have done that the very 1st day i entered the org. So then again, a big deal?

Yah, still different pple with different opinions. The journey would have been different for everyone too. Just my 2c worth..don't even have to take it too seriously.

Last week of IO. The best emoticon to describe would be :S A summation of :) and :(
I had the most fun with my fellow intern frens. As for the colls..maybe i'm still not too close with them. But i don't doubt there "niceness". Then again, who wants to wake up early? Who wants to be like a sardine in a can-squashed and i-dunno-wat. Who wnats to use their brains for the whole day? Who wants to be so shag at nite that they cant even do any other things other than slp? Haha.

Two things i've learned: I would treasure my last week of IO.
I would too, treasure my last sem of school.

Netherlands:Slovakia-2:1

If everyone has the sportsmanship like those national teams have.
If only all losers are not sore.
The truth always speaks for itself. There's no point going round and round, arguing about tales. The more you say, the more you contradict yourself.
If you're wrong then admit so. Being defensive is a sign of guilt. It only makes the people around you hate you more. And makes the loser feel more sore.

Its a vicious cycle.

beginning of 4th week into IO. how time flies! at that time, i was still in fear of wat working in DSTA would be like..if i would have nice colleagues, if i would have pple to eat lunch wif, etc. the past 3 weeks o internship made those worries rather unfounded.

work has been constantly hectic. but surprisingly, they are very much manageable than they seemed to be. the picture is getting clearer everyday and my supervisor is getting more approachable too.

the stress factor is definitely thr..many more times than what others would feel - cos my IO is graded + i dun wanna leave a lousy impression. afterall it's only months before i go back again. i may or may not know what ppl would say aft i leave, but i dun want to be marked down even before i officially start work

work aside, i admit i've been very lazy wrt fyp. sigh, i really dun feel the motivation to work on it. i just wish to devote all of my time, effort and concentration on IO..but i know IO is no excuse for excusing myself from working on fyp. 10 AUs vs 4 AUs. at this age, i shd be able to weigh (& link) the importance.

the diff b/w the last and this post:
gg#1 wasnt back then, but now, she's back. :)
the Irina bracelet was still not mine then, but now, its in my cabinet. :) :)

I wish for money to drop from the sky..so that I can fulfill my materialistic needs. I realise I have changed..or maybe all along I've been like that.

Actually I'm not too materialistic also. I only wish to buy 3 simple items:

Swarovski Crystal Bracelet - $255
XPERIA Pureness - $768
Mazda2 Sedan - $75888

Very soon, the first item will be off this list.
As for the other 2.....

...to be continued.